who cares about necks!

Time: Now

Place: Here

Less about the brace, more about me

So it has occurred to me that writing about my neck pains every day will eventually become really boring. Just joking, it is already boring. 

But as long as i have my injured neck induced free time, i will just continue to write about random shit which may or may not include neck brace related material. Just to clear it up.

Believe it or not, but having heaps of free time and limited mobility is the fucking worst thing in the world (closely followed by war and famine). So my days do not consist of much

Here is a standard day in order of events:

• wake up (laying perfectly flat on my back of course)
• check phone for any love
• check facebook for any love
• check phone again for any love
• go on a news website and get up to date on current affairs.....haha, i dont really
• get up and give myself a super enjoyable sponge-bath
• drink a protein shake and check fridge for food
• fridge is empty, so i improvise and make toast
• watch about 20 mins of tv
• realize i should stop walking around naked and get dressed
• check phone/facebook for love and decide to just find some fucking friends who are free

So, my days kind of suck. What's that i hear you say? Read a book? Get into a season of (insert terrible american show here)??? Yeah nah, not going to happen. Sitting on a rock-hard upright chair with your head straight is not actually as comfortable as it sounds. Throw 'holding up a book in front of your face like your driving an imaginary car' into the mix and you will not last long at all.

Today i hung out with some mates in Enmore (inner city suburb of sydney). Its a lot like manly in the way that it is actually nothing like Manly at all. Oh, except for the severe lack of parking.

I have just realized that the sentence above does not make sense. But thats ok cause its my blog and not yours.

Later on in the arvo, i went shopping in Woolworths (Northbridge). Within about 20 seconds of walking in, i found myself in the vegetable section. As i was checking out some sweet delicious fruits (joking, there was a smoking hot MILF buying some mandarines)  i turned just in time to see a  middle aged lady go ass over head, and hit the deck.

As i watched her come crashing down to earth, i couldn't help but laugh as her loaf of bread and bag of onions went flying. I think she was very embarrassed, probably made worse by the fact i was standing there laughing in a neck brace with no ability to help her up. So i shrugged and asked if she was ok. Luckily a fat employee came to her aid, like a chubby Kight in shining armor (woolworths shirt). 

                    If you go grocery shopping in these, you deserve to fall over

     if you go  grocery shopping in these.........then you are most probably a stripper

I would have felt sorry for her if i had not seen the high heels and Louis Vuitton hand-bag.*Please remember that Northbridge is a lot like the 'double bay' of the north shore....lots of money and lots of snobs*  Moral of the story is; don't go shopping in high heels. You can afford that handbag, i suggest you google 'shoes to wear to woolworths that wont make me fall over and look like an idiot' Or hit up Mr Vuitton for some practical grocery shopping flats.

Anyways, walking through Woolworths i managed to make 5 kids to the double-take, and have a stare at my neck brace. I also felt like a special boy when i couldn't find the milo and had to ask the shel stocker, who promptly pointed to the bottom shelf right in front of me and laughed: 'HAHAH probably can't see that one, can ya mate? Cause of that cast on your neck and all'......"Nah dick head  your probably right, it is now clear to me why you work at Woolworths and not somewhere where intelligence is a prerequisite"

Thats all folks, sorry if you didn't laugh, this is about ME and not YOU

-scotty