why i now hate kids

Little Kids Think They Are Awsome.....But They Actually Suck

One thing you can always count on is that little kids, are always going to be blatant when dealing with 'different' looking people out in public.

Little kids are social retards, and many a time i have been reduced to tears when i have seen a little boy or girl speak out loud about the way someone looks in a shopping centre or the street.

'Mum! Why is that woman so fat', 'Mum look at that black person' (maybe this one is not very common) 'Dad, whats wrong with that man?'

This last one 'what's wrong with that man', is by far the most common, and usually the most funny. 'That man' may be called out by the little bastard for any reason. He may be too fat, maybe too skinny? Or maybe he has an obvious disability or even a crazy dress style. But very often it could be that he is just plain butt-ugly

Totally acceptable example of a woman who may be publicly ridiculed by a small child

Unacceptable example of a man (also quite handsome) who may be publicly ridiculed by small child

So as i was walking in Chatswood today with my mate nick, i happened to notice a little boy looking at my neck brace as though it was about to jump off and eat him whole. He then spotted me looking  and did this stupid dance on the spot and then sprinted (very poor coordination of course) over to his father..... Oh well, didn't think anything of it.

As we kept walking a little girl on her dads shoulder; spotted my neck brace and then continued to observe me as though i was a mildly interesting tv program. "Fuck off" i mouthed at her. Luckily she hadn't quite mastered the linguistic knowledge to understand what i meant.

"OK, so kids find it a bit weird" i thought to myself. What ever. Then as we arrived at the food court i was met by a small boy who then paused. Looked up at me. Looked at the neck brace. And then continued to turn to his father and say those 5 word. "What's wrong with that man?" WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??

Ok firstly you little shit, its a fucking neck brace, i am not frankenstein (although i do kind of turn like he does) secondly, if i didn't have this thing on/ if you were 19 years older i would kick your arse. I can still probably do more sports than you and i will out run you. You probably haven't even learned to tie your shoes. dick. Ok sure, i cant physically tie mine either at the moment, but thats beside the point.

I didn't say anything of course, just shot his red-headed father a dirt look that said 'you have red hair, and you know it'

Point is, little kids are shit scared of me and i am now 'one of those guys' I never thought i would. Maybe when i am a crazy 50 year old in my motorized cart and a bottle of jack in my hand. But now? At age 23? I honestly though it would be later in life before i started getting ridiculed by little kids.

Moral of this story is, little kids are shit heads and should keep their social bashing to fat people and weirdos.

So now when i walk, i am going to count how many little kids curiosity i can spark. I may bring it upon myself though, for when they are on the ground i physically need to bend at the waist to look down hahaha. oh well.

I will endure the 'whats wrong with that man' for the rest of my incarceration. But parents beware. I have a neck brace on. And if your kid gets kicked or trodden on as i walk. Its their own fault.....

PS. It may seem to you, that i am having a go at little kids who don't know any better. If that is the case, then your right. I am sure in todays society, toddlers are probably already reading blogs. And they need to learn!!

BYE for now

-Scotty - 1

-Little kids - 0

checking out centrelink

To Centrelink And Beyond.....

Joining the Ranks.

So today was the day that Scott needed to make the transition from broke cripple to government funded cripple. And for all you money hungry people/dole bludgers out there, that can only mean one thing..Centrelink. 

If you DON'T know what centrelink is then your probably from the eastern suburbs (sorry to stereotype) or are a spolit, sheltered little turd whose parents get you anything you want (probably eastern suburbs). In fact your probably reading this now on your brand new Mac Book Pro as you sit on your leather lounge with ocean views......YEAH YOU!

I have a very good question. Well in MY mind its a very good question....

When going to centrelink, knowing very well that your basically going to try and get money off the government, what does one wear?

I thought about this when it came to dressing time this morning. Surely i must dress my best? But wait! What if the woman behind the counter is a bitch and thinks that i look like i am doing fine? She may decide there are people much more needy that i! Or maybe she likes the way i look and thinks that such a well presented young man deserves the best treatment, and ASAP.

On the other hand i could dress down and look like a homeless man? Maybe then the counter lady may think i need the money right away! Or maybe she thinks to her self 'this fucking slob is not getting a cent'. Or most likey she see's me as this poor looking young man who clearly is a power ranger out of work.

          

Sir, may i trouble you for some spare currency?

                                                                                                

                                                                                                     Give us a dollar, my suits dirty braa

I know coming from Sydney's NORTH SHORE (capital letters = snob-worthy) that they don't get too many poorly dressed people.  But then again, its centrelink?

As per usual i thought way too much about the situation. So i decided on tracksuit pants and a cardigan.  I was considering wearing thongs to complete the homeless look but thought better of it.

Turns out  Chatswood centrelink is absolute fashion central!! I couldn't believe it. Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton as far as the eye could see!!.........just joking, i actually saw an old asian man wearing an entire denim outfit, complete with green gumboots and a denim fishermans hat. Yeah, that bad.

So i guess if i were to give any sort of fashion advice for people going to centrelink, i would have to say no matter what you choose to wear, not matter what. (socks and sandals included) there will be at least 8 people who make you look like fucking Coco Chanel (or some other fashion icon). I put it to sombody to rock up butt-naked and even still, you will be better dressed than someone.

I am sure my grubby vans and trackie pants were making at least 4 people envious. Scott, don't be such a snob. Its centrelink, people may not have much money. Yes, but thats not my problem, and if i cant tease poor people for the way they dress, then i just plain give up..

*If i ever become poor and homeless, and you see me on the streets, please done hesitate to tell me what you think of my outfit. Then give me some money you snob.

End of story anyways, if this country wants to be successful, then we must do one thing: GIVE OUR CENTRELINK REGULARS SOME FASHION ADIVCE! But to end on positive note, the employees at centrelink do have a tough job, and do deal with many 'unsavory characters' but they do it with a smile. Big respect to the employees......except that one little woman who laughed at my neck brace. bitch i saw you.


PS, my neck was hurting today and i am starting to get damn itchy under my power rangers vest. thanks for asking.

LATERS!!

-scotty

we always knew the red one would be the first one out of the job........

best news i've heard in a week

The Best News I've Heard In A Week

Royal North Shore Hospital, X-ray clinic

A week today since i left hospital! Or maybe its a week tomorrow? I dunno, lets not let the facts get in the way of a good story....... So there i was today, sitting in the x-ray clinic waiting room.....

Two things i noticed about this clinic. 

1. the interior needs a serious re-decoration (way too 70's)
2. the TV is 100 years old and is most definitely there for decoration

Not to mention that it has that token "hospital smell" that i strongly dislike.... As i sit there in discomfort (as per usual) i have to listen to this asian woman banging on about how 'cheap' the hospital looks and that they should employee more staff. Apparently if we have nicer looking hospitals, cancer patients will heal much faster..

I felt like telling this woman, who by the way; had a handbag that appeared to be a coles shopping basket, that maybe if she didn't like the public hospital, she could spend the money to go private. Where the hospitals are prettier and have many staff. But something told me that this socks and sandals wearing peasant was not into spending big on....anything at all. I hope her x ray's gave her cancer.......JOKING.

Did i mention she spoke too loudly? 

                               Socks and Sandals say: I don't give a fuck what i look like, in any language

So whatever, when i finally got into the x-ray room, i was greeted by what i can only describe as Julia Gillards identical twin.......if Julia was 5ft tall and Thai. Come to think of it, she looked nothing like Julia Gillard at all.

But this chick was tiny, and i am 6'5.. and when getting a neck x-ray, one must be lined up very precisely. This was proving very difficult for my thai midget who had to go and get a chair to stand on, just so we could get the right body position. HAHA.small people.

                                                 I think this was my x-ray lady?

Its weird, she kept saying "your so tall!" and for some reason i kept saying "sorry" as though it were my bad (which it is not). But its rude to say "oh really? I had not realised this until now! Thank you thai midget, for opening my eyes to this strange new height of mine"

My head increased about 30 sizes, when she informed she she did not know much about sports, and asked me if i played for Australia. I calmly replied with "probably next year"

Cause i am new to this blogging thing and don't quite know what or how to write, i will get to the main point of my story.

Doctor (insert name here) comes along and tells me that due to my good looks and winning personality (he didn't REALLY say that), i could be out of my power-rangers neck brace IN 4 WEEKS MAYBE POSSIBLY!

Super stoked to hear that, made my day for sure.  Put me in the best of moods! Now all i have to do is deal with centrelink like a true aussie bludger. I need money. Tomorrows adventure: Centrelink. God i hope its just how i picture it in my mind. 

Still gotta take it easy on the movement front, and get my neck fixed asap. I can see sweet head banging freedom just around the corner......

Yeah thats it, if my blog is a total waste of your time and you hate reading it then let me know via facebook and i will kindly go tell you to fuck yourself. You come to me with a better way to fill in time. love you. PEACE

-scotty

how this all started.kind of.

In The Beginning....(23 years in)

Third ever rugby league game 20 May 2012.....

Coach: Pass the ball to scott!!!

Me: Ahhh, fuck it...

*BANG* *CRACK*

Me: Owww my fucking neck

Trainer: Mate, keep your neck still, ambulance is on the way

*short (and bumpy) ambulance ride later......

Doctor: Your a lucky boy scott, you escaped a serious injury..

Me: Yeah doc, whats the story? Can i get up and go now?

Doctor: *evil laugh*......no, you have a hairline fracture on your C2 vertebrae, your going to have to wear this super uncomfortable neck brace (or something along those lines) for 12 weeks.

Me: HAHA yeah cool joke man, but seriously.....can i go?


Yeah so a fractured vertebrae apparently is NOT a laughing matter. So after being fitted with, what i (and George Wood) can only as describe as one half of the white power rangers outfit, i got my pain killers and medical papers and headed home. 

Having had many breaks as a small (fucking tough) kid, i was prepared to deal with a few "unpleasantries" associated with that kind of injury. WRONG!!

Turns out breaking your neck is actually not similar to a broken wrist or dislocated shoulder at all. Who'd have thunk it?? Instead of asking what i couldn't do with a broken neck, i should have just asked for the much shorter list of things i CAN..

As it stands, here are some things i was told i CANT DO:

• Twist
• Bend
• Lift more than 2kgs (really limits my gym routine)
• Drive
• Overhead movements
• Run
• Sleep with a pillow (flat on back)
• Play any sports (good bye league career)
• Shower (i cant take it off)
• Sit on anything remotely comfortable
• My Job (garden maintenance technician)

So yeah that was a hard pill to swallow, but so far its been a week and already, i can add to that list of things. So far here are some more CANT DO'S:

• Subtly check out girls
• Breath properly
• Smell good
• Take a piss
• Dress yourself with out looking stupid
• Hop in and out of cars easily
• Look cool
• Generally look like you fit in because you have some giant semi-permanent storm trooper armor wrapped around your neck
• Did i mention 'get paid'?  

So i am sure that list will continue to grow. The brace is designed to "fit in comfortably" under your clothes. Yeah, those dickheads at the  neck-brace construction factory are pissing them selves laughing at every single 'wearer' right now. This thing sticks out likes dogs balls, but unlike dogs balls it does get you one good thing: SYMPATHY

Which brings me to my list of things i CAN DO:

• Get sympathy from people
• ummmmm have a positive attitude? 

Good old social media helps spread news fast these days. So naturally being a regular facebook user, word spreads quick. Real quick. I am not saying i liked the attention, but after the 'broken neck facebook status' goes up, i had complete strangers even inboxing me. It really feels good to know people care, even if it is just a facebook message.

Cant be bothered to keep going on about the past week, but coming to terms that i will be reppin' this brace for 12 weeks (3 months for those of you in the imperial system) has been hard. I know for a fact that it will be made a lot easier with the help of so many of my amazing friends and family. Peoples true colours really do shine through when you are in need.

I am very lucky i can even walk, and i have already decided that i will most DEFINITELY do some volunteer work for people with physical disabilities. I have had a week in  fucking neck brace, and i am struggling. I have no idea how those tough bastards overcome the tasks of daily routines. 

UNTIL NEXT TIME........

scotty

-oh yeah by the way....we won the footy game. GO BROTHERS!