the phone argument

What is the average weight of a human eye ball? No, seriously......??

Back on the topic of eyes, is there and food that promotes eye growth? I want to  grow my eyes a bit bigger.

So I have now had my neck brace on for 5 weeks or maybe it has been 32, who knows. "5 weeks has flown past!!" I hear you say? Well it hasn't for me pal, slowest 5 weeks of my life. But I am really pleased to hear you had a quick 5 weeks, congrats.

I was told that I should go back to hospital on the 25th of June, which would have been tomorrow (Monday). So I figured I would call up and check in for the appointment. Keep in mind there was a slight chance I could have maybe possibly gotten out of this brace!

So I dialed the number i had been supplied with and as to be expected, I was placed on hold. I would just like to point out something real quick. I have been placed on hold many times in my life, but i think that royal north shore hospital has possibly THE WORST 'on-hold' music I have ever heard......

WHEN YELLING ON THE PHONE, IT IS IMPORTANT YOU ARE CLEAR AND CONCISE. AND DONT FORGET TO LET THE KNOW HOW YOU REALLY FEEL....

I have no idea what song it was, but it sounded as though they had recruited a bunch of tone-deaf toddlers to experiment with instruments. And to add insult to injury, it was poor quality of course. It was so bad I tried to shazam it so I could show you all. Of course it wasn't recognised. Naturally I put the phone on loud speaker and I began to dance. I thought the idea of being put on hold was so you would stay on the phone. And after a record breaking 2 minutes, I decided nothing was worth waiting for while this music is playing, so i hung up.

I then realised I did need need to make a booking so I re-dialed the number and immersed myself in a hideous rendition of 'green-sleeves'.  Companies, here is a word of advice: We know that at some stage you will have to place our calls on hold, we accept this. But maybe the reason some of your phone operators get abused is because the caller has just come off the back of listening to mind numbing shit music for 15 minutes? Simple fix: take out the CD titled "absolutely terrible music" and throw on the "normal person mix tape" I would find being put on hold an absolute pleasure if i could rock out to some high quality Nirvana.

Ok anyways, i finally got onto the phone to a woman with a heavy Indian accent. For some reason she didn't laugh at my joke about how shit the music was. Ok so here is the rough transcript of my call, keep in mind this lady was VERY hard to understand:

INDIAN LADY: Yes sir, so what is your patient number so I can find out who you are?

SCOTT: Yeah it is _ _ _ _ _ _  my doctor is Vasili I believe....

INDIAN LADY: OK sir so at the moment the doctor is fully booked, and because he only comes fortnightly, the next appointment I can get you is the 29th of July...

SCOTT: HAHA what did you say? Sorry but I thought i heard you say the 29th of July....

INDIAN LADY: Yes sir this is correct, the 29th of July. At 2:30pm.

SCOTT: Yeah nah, this is not going to work for me. Look lady I am wearing a neck brace at the moment. I don't know if you have ever broken your neck before and had to wear one of these, but it's not fun. So what I need you to do, is slot me in for Monday and we will be fine.....

INDIAN LADY: No he is fully booked, I can put you down for the 29th of July......at 2:30pm

SCOTT: Yeah well when I came in last the receptionist dude put my name down for this day, so what the fuck would you like me to do then? Just keep wearing my neck brace longer than I need to? Look, I will just come in and go last, it seriously will take 5 minutes! Will that work?

INDIAN LADY: No this will not work. The doctor is fully booked. He only comes once every 2 weeks. I can get you on the 29th of July at 2:30pm?

SCOTT: Well I didn't know this did I? Not once was I told the doctor only comes once every 2 weeks. You don't understand. If you are telling me that I have to wait until the 29th to see the doctor again, I am going to hang up this phone and rip this god damn neck brace off........

INDIAN LADY: I can book you in for the 29th of July now. Shall I do this now?

SCOTT: NO lady, you shall not. What you shall do is patch me through to another department where the phone operator has a better grasp of the English language and might be able to understand where the fuck I am coming from right now. Are you able to do that much at least?? Can you put me through to somebody helpful? I feel like we are on different pages here....

*SILENCE* 

ALL OF A SUDDEN I AM PUT THROUGH TO ANOTHER DESK AND A MAN ANSWERS. I EXPLAIN MY SITUATION:

MAN: Ah yeah mate, we can slot you in on the 9th of July, sorry we couldn't do anything sooner......

SCOTT: Ok, yeah throw me in there. Thanks for your help. BYEEEEEEEEEEE

Isn't it amazing how all of a sudden they could wipe off 20 days from my waiting time. So I don't think I made friends with my Indian lady, no offense here, but if your going to have somebody answering your phones RNSH, you might want to give them a few language courses first. I shouldn't have to need a translator to make a booking. And maybe a few crash courses in how not the be fucking useless and show some compassion when dealing with patients also, I don't know, just a thought.

THIS MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN THE WOMAN I WAS TALKING TOO. I DON'T THINK SHE SOUNDED THIS OLD THOUGH.

So 9th of July it is. I am really contemplating just going to a physio and asking them what they think. I haven't got to the point yet where I will just rip it off, but I have a feeling that is not too far away.

I am well aware this is a terrible blog, but I drank alot of vodka last night and it has ruined my creativity today. I am sorry.  If you have any idea about what the hell i should keep blogging about, please let m know. I am digging it that people are reading them.

thats all folks...

-scotty