visiting Derek

What's the best thing about free time?

It's free, you tight arse!

Orthotics Department Time Baby!! The most happening place in Sydney...

I had to go into hospital to get my warrior gear changed over and tightened. Derek my main my man was there. All 5ft 5 of him. I think everyone needs a friend like little Derek.

Its a two man job and the other guy was up in the main building of royal north shore hospital, so i had to wait 15 minutes or so. No problem. The problem I will raise with this little office though, are the magazines.

I am aware that hospitals are government funded and always in need of  money and more staff and so on. But seriously, what the hell is up with their choice of reading material. As i sat down on an ancient plastic chair, i looked over at my buffet of inspiring magazines........

The first one i picked up was 'Australian 4WD' March 2009 edition. This terrible magazine was running a feature on choosing the right kind of bull-bar for your off road adventure...... Doesn't that seem a bit unfair that the most likely people reading this magazine are probably going to be unable to drive due to the fact they are in some sort of brace. Thats like giving a bunch of starving African children a cook book. And reading about bull-bars is not that interesting for some reason!

After throwing that one back down i picked up my next item.  'Australian Geographic' August 2010. It would have been interesting if it hadn't been mauled by what appeared to have been a dog or a large rat. That went back in the pile. Now that i think about it, that one should have been binned.

THIS ONE WAS CLOSE TO BEING RACIST.......BUT IT AINT

The next magazine i picked up, was some kind of fishing weekly shit. I didn't even bother to look at this one. Imagine one of the most boring activities you can do (fishing) and then try and make it even more boring.............(reading about fishing). I don't care how many of you swear by it and how its the best past time. Rent a jet ski and then talk to me about fun. You couldn't pay me to start reading about "top 10 knots when trying to catch snapper" Also quite an insult though, because once again, people reading that magazine in the orthotics department are probably not exactly able to go for a fish at that point in time.

NO MATTER WHICH YOU TRY AND LOOK AT IT, BUT THIS MAGAZINE WILL NEVER APPEAL TO NORMAL PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME......WELL NOT ME, I AM BEYOND NORMAL.

Finally my last choice was between an August 2008 edition of 'Woman's Day" or the owners  manual for a Peugeot  207. Which did i choose? The owners manual of course. Why? Because one day i may need to operate a Peugeot 207 to save my life, but i doubt knowing how Angelina  Jolie was coping with Brad Pitt in August of 2008, will prove helpful at all.

I have prepared a list of new magazines that the orthotics department shall replace the old ones with. Once the government funds them of course:

• Playboy (really good articles)
• Zoo Weekly (also really good articles)
• FHM (ummmmm just because)
• Mens Health (never too late to get fit)
• Rolling Stone (because why the fuck not?)
• Vogue (for the ladies)
• And the Peugeot owners manual (actually turned out to be a good read)
• A cocktail recipe book (gotta have something to look forward to)
• My blog (in print form)

So yeah, thats it.

Everything went well with my neck brace change over. They lie you down and off it comes and change over the padding and so on. The feeling of the neck brace coming off really wanted to make me jump up and run out the door. Cannot wait to see this fucking thing go.

All was well until the end when as i was putting my t shirt back on. The Derek helper-man pulled me up on something. "Oi mate, are you aware that you shouldn't be wearing t-shirts?" ummmm what? "Yeh you are meant to be wearing button up shirts only, the over head movement is the worst thing you can do for your injury......"

Ok wow i must have missed that memo. I have been wearing t shirt for almost a month now. What the fuck man? How many button up items does one person own?  So this means from now on i have to chuck on a collared shirt to take the rubbish out? I am not too keen on the idea of button up clothing all the time. Thats kind of retarded. Next they will be asking me to wear head-gear and velcro shoes hahaha. Not happening.

IF YOU WEAR THESE SHOES^ THEN YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T HAVE ANY CHOICE IN THE MATTER......

Centrelink still has not paid me, so i am gonna tear in there stomp some heads in......and politely ask where my money is ;)

PS. Forgot to mention that there was an issue of Dolly magazine that i completely didn't even glimpse at. ever. at all.

Auf Wiedersehen

-scotty