wet weather driving solutions

Still have not found out the average weight of an eye-ball......

Did you know: Scientists from the University of Washington recently did a study to find out the worst type of driver in the world. The results are as follows. An old asian lady (50 years +) wearing a hat and gloves, driving a mercedes benz on her way to the shops to buy groceries...... SHOCKING FIND!

WHAT YOU DONT SEE IN THIS PICTURE IS THE 20 SCHOOL KIDS WAITING FOR THEIR BUS, WHICH SHE PLOWED IN TO.

If you know me, which some of you may not. Then you should know that when it comes to driving; I LOVE IT. I have this irrational dislike of being driven by other people and I tend to find myself being one of those fucking annoying back seat drivers. Yes I am sorry for this.

But since I have been in a neck brace I am unable to drive, which is killing me slowly. Which means I am as good as luggage. I need to be picked up and driven around like I am that annoying friend we ALL have who doesn't have their license for no other reason than the fact they are fucking lazy.

So for 6 weeks or so, I have been 'that guy', luckily I have some very tolerant friends who have been kind enough to pick me up and drop me off on many occasions.....I OWE YOU ALL.... But since I am now passenger-scott I actually have time to observe other peoples driving instead of just speeding past everyone because I want to get there first.

And one thing I have noticed is; Sydney drivers, when it begins to rain (even in the slightest) it is like all common motoring skills go out the window. YOU BECOME TERRIBLE! Are Sydney drivers under the impression that because there are a few drops of water on the windscreen they have free rein to start driving like there is a god damn snow storm.

OK, yes we have all learned that breaking distances and handling on cars is affected by water on the road, but does this mean common courtesy and ability to communicate your intended driving actions is also affected??? Explain to me this. Today as we were driving through Willoughby some woman in a BMW decided that due to the wet roads, the suggested speed limit of 60km's per hour was much too fast. No no no no NO! This woman, who by the way was driving an X5, a very big and safe car, though it best to slow down to about 34kmph..... Now we are talking about damp road. This road was not underwater, nor was it even close to being underwater. There was hardly any rain falling from the sky. I mean a kid on their bicycle wouldn't even be fazed by this amount of wetness...

The best part was yet to come, as we over took this woman (which was not hard at all), she appeared to be locked in some straight arm race-car style driving position, as though she were in the middle of an F1 grand prix.... To give you an idea of how slow she was going, I had time to turn my entire crippled self in my seat so I could physically see her. And that takes a while.

The next incident was almost only 5 minutes later when we were driving behind an asian man (yeah we have all been here before) who though that the wetness of the roads meant that turning corners should now be done at such a slow speed, you practically hit 0kmph in the middle of the turn. This man was driving a lexus by the way, we're not talking about fred flinstones car here, we are talking about a modern car with modern safety features..

Finally, one of my most HATED things that people can do on the road is to not be courteous. If I let you into a gap or give way to you, mother fucker you best flash your lights or give me a wave of thanks.... So as we approached a single lane speed-hump, we pulled over and gave this woman plenty of time to make her way through. She comes sailing past, both hands on the wheel and does't even acknowledge us. Look lady, taking your hand off the steering wheel to wave when your traveling at 20kmph will not cause you to go skidding off into someone's front yard in a flaming wreckage.

I do not know how we will fix this 'when-it's-wet-people-become-even-worse-drivers' dilemma, but I can give you all some tips...

• USE YOUR HORN LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER, THEY MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO SEE YOU, BUT THEY SURE AS HELL CAN HEAR YOU...

• USE YOUR MIDDLE FINGER. NOTHING AND I MEAN NOTHING, LETS OTHER DRIVERS KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING MORE THAN FLIPPING THEM OFF

• ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW AND YELL AS LOUD AS YOU CAN. USE OF WORDS SUCH AS: FUCKWIT, DICKHEAD, ASSHOLE, STUPID CUNT, WANKER AND TOSSER, ARE ALL ACCEPTABLE. TRY STRINGING MULTIPLE WORDS TOGETHER FOR A CLEARER MESSAGE

• USE YOUR CAR AS A BETTERING RAM. THIS LAST RESORT ISN'T THE SMARTEST, BUT DAMN ITS EFFECTIVE. JUST AIM YOUR VEHICLE AT THE OFFENDERS AND ACCELERATE

Take it into your own hands to educate the wet weather offenders of Sydney. And probably most other parts of the world. Rain does not mean that every single road is now covered in ice and olive oil. You will not die if you go the speed limit people.

                                                             REALITY

                                               THE WAY SYDNEY DRIVERS SEE IT

Yeah so moral of the story. Stop sucking at wet weather driving.

PS. OFF TO SEE DEREK TOMORROW!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY DEREK.

laters homie's

-scotty