crossing roads and shit

Look right then left then right again?  I prefer the walk out and hope for the best technique....

because crossing the road safely is for pussies....

I think i learned to cross the road when i was about 4 or 5. Mum would hold my hand and I would learn to look both ways and wait for the cars to come to a stop at the zebra crossing. Over time this becomes second nature.

As you get older the most rebellious thing any person can do is say 'no' to pedestrian lights and zebra crossings. "Hell no man, waiting for the green light is for pussies, lets leg it" Ok well maybe not the most rebellious thing, but a few idiots will end up getting themselves killed because they were from the  west and high on glue.

Point is, you learn some amount of road sense unless your a complete dead shit.  All you have to do is make it to the other side without that giant bus turning you into road kill. I have always been so curious as to how some pedestrians get hit by a car? Did they not see it coming? They they think that trying to make it across the road is best achieved by not taking your eyes off the prize? Or maybe they think that those big metal objects travelling at great speeds can easily avoid them!

No matter how it happens, some unlucky people get hit by cars. And a lot of us have had the odd near miss or two. Myself included. Now i must say that i am fucking surprised that more neck brace wearing people have not been hit by cars. It is no easy feat crossing a road.

Today i was nearly hit by a car 3 times.....THREE TIMES!!! Can you believe that. "NO" i hear you say? Well your an idiot. Its super easy. Fact is: I am an idiot. I have become so lazy I now just rely on my peripheral vision to try and see if any cars are approaching.

Truth is, turning your entire body right then left, then right again takes much longer than you would expect. The way i figure it by the time I make my second body turn right, a car from the left is probably already approaching due to my slow safety checks and thus meaning i will die.

What do you reckon the ambulance would do if it rocked up to a guy in a neck brace  who had been hit by a car? "Guys, get this neck brace off him, and put another one on STAT!" Or maybe they would assume that i am fine, cause the neck brace saved me from any further injury. "Yeah guys the bones are sticking out of my legs, but believe it or not, my neck is feeling rather stable and ok." Wouldn't it be funny if they though it was a prank for TV and just left you there. OHHHH the ol' run over pedestrian in a neck brace prank! Not this time guys!

Statistics show that the best way to show someone you don't like them much is to run them over with your car.

Luckily i wasn't hit by any cars today or I would be writing one interesting blog for the next 10 weeks. I did how ever catch some public transport. I caught the bus today, and as i walked on I was so so so so tempted to push this old man out of the disabled seat while pointing at my neck brace. "Sorry old man, old age doesn't permit you to take my disabled person seat, now get up the front where your kind belong" *please note that i would never ever ever push an old man over.....unless he deserved it.

If i ever become proper disabled, I demand you guys get me this chair. Look at it!

I guess I shouldn't sat up the back, because two stops later and the bus was packed full of ugly ugly school girls. (Willoughy Girls High of course). They talk about absolute shit! I caught the gist of one conversation about the need for some stripey socks for "Jacks" party on the weekend. Maybe if this girl wanted to get some action she would stop worrying about socks and start working out how to get rid of her mono-brow and crazy-lady-hair.

Darling, a word of advice: If you want to get noticed at Jacks party for a good reason. Maybe spend that 'stripey socks' money on a hair cut and getting your eye brows waxed. Just a suggestion. (ps. does anybody else find this girl kind of hot??)

I guess i copped it when my stop came down and as i pushed my way through a sea of school girls, one girl said "guys move, there is a disabled guy hopping off. I deserved that. For the record, I am the only one allowed to call myself disabled mother fucker! Jokes you on, you go to Willoughby Dog Pound High. Your school has a great reputation haha.

My neighbor thought it would be funny to drive past me today, beep the horn, and yell "CRIPPLE CRIPPLE!!" Scared the shit out me but I can only laugh.

Tomorrow is hospital day and i am going in for a re-tightening! Derek my main man will sort me out hahaha.

stay classy San Diego.....

-scotty