out and about

Person: Hey man, wanna go out drinking?

Me: Yes.

The first time going out and about with a neck brace. Amongst real people in a real bar. Hell yeah......

So my plan to 'take it easy' with my injured neck and not drink, lasted an impressive 3 weeks. Thats not bad considering i don't remember the last time i went 3 weekends in a row with no drinking....probably can't remember it due to the alcohol ruining my brain. Oh well, what can you do about it.

This weekend the decision was made to venture out and about with some mates and go for a drink at Manly's Wharf Bar. Great venue if it isn't raining, or cold, or winter really. So myself Andy, Damo, Sam, Matty and a few footy boys took the plunge.

The night started out as any night does. With a mother fucking god almighty prank. Damo works at a bar in Neutral Bay and said he would buy us a shot. Awsome. Free shots are always going to go down well, right? Wrong. A word of warning. ALWAYS find out what the shot is before you drink it...

What we were told was a shot of Tequila, actually turned out to be something called Naga Chili Vodka. With a heat rating of 100,000 on the scoville scale. To put that in perspective, regular Tabasco sauce scores about 2500. As soon as the shot was down our throats, we knew something was wrong.

My eyes were watering and i felt as though my mouth was on fire. What the fuck was that?? Sam sprinted off to the bathroom to throw up his dinner and considered not going out at all. Andy and i sat at the table and drank endless glasses of milk trying to extinguish the flame. All the meanwhile Damo was sitting there laughing at as. Thats OK, the prank war has begun Mr Damo. Stay tuned for my sweet revenge.

If chili makes you hot under the collar.....then Naga chili vodka will cause you roast under a neck brace! As the chili vodka rapidly assaulted my body, i actually had a vision of me ripping my neck brace off and enjoying sweet freedom. But of course i didn't. 

PLEASE DRINK THIS AND MAKE SURE YOU SEND ME THE VIDEO OF YOU DOING SO

I wish this evil drink upon nobody. Do not drink it. Do not even give this to your worst enemy. Actually, give it to who ever you want, but make sure they are not pregnant or have a prior heart condition. And DO make sure you film it.

After a fiery start to a very rainy night, we made it to Wharf bar. The neck brace attracted the usual amount of curious looks and double takes. Still confuses me though, its a neck brace around my neck, yet people look as though i am a crazy person with a deflated sex-doll wrapped around me.

On a normal pub-outing, at some stage of the night you have to make the call to break the seal, and take a piss. This can be no easy feat by any standards with the alcohol slowing your reactions and accuracy. Now try doing this in a neck brace.

For my first attempt i went into a thankfully empty bathroom where i proceeded to completely miss the bowl, and give the floor a fresh new layer of wee. Sorry wharf bar if your reading this. It actually was an accident. I always wash my hands though!

My second attempt later at a urinal proved to be a much greater success! I did however have a feeling  that i may have pissed on the bloke next to me shoe. Oh well its all collateral damage, no body is going to hit the guy in a neck brace for any reason......i hope.

One intelligent blonde female did come over and ask me: "Do you wear that to try and get girls or is your neck ACTUALLY injured?". wow. My clever response: "Would you like to have sex with me? No? Ok, well i guess my neck ACTUALLY is injured then........"

THE ONLY GUY WHO CAN GO OUT AND PICK UP GIRLS IN A NECK BRACE IS THIS GUY. WHY? BECAUSE HE IS RICH AND FAMOUS AND HAS BLING ON HIS.

The annoying thing about going out last night was, sitting at the table with the boys, there would always be a girl worth looking at. After turning around like an idiot one too many times, i gave up and was content with checking out girls that would walk directly in front of my eye line.

Ended up having quite a few beverages and got quite loose.  Didn't meet any future ex-wife's but i don't blame them. Power Rangers are hard to deal with anyway. Someone suggested a pick up line could be "hey baby, i need some help washing myself, are you able to lend a hand?" Something tells me that would not work though. But as my mate Cam said to me "Chin up mate"................yeah what a smart arse haha.

Fun week of fuck all planned this week, i think i am going to go crazy. Let us see what happens. And i seriously do not take any responsibility if somebody dies or goes to hospital as a result from the chili vodka prank.........

-scotty